Culture Shock!

After the "so much to do, so little time" of an overseas move, the children start school, the husband goes back to work, real life recommences. All of us expect to feel homesick, to miss families and friends, the six o'clock news, but too often circumstances combine and gang up on us, turning into potentially dangerous Culture Shock. At first the malaise is so general that it is impossible to pin down and find the source. The first symptom is, in fact, the statement, "I don't know what's wrong with me." In the broadest sense, culture shock is caused by being a stranger in a strange land. This is nothing like the lovely exotic feeling of a foreign vacation which you at first experienced.

Culture shock affects everyone to some degree. Children under ten, although they must be treated with care, usually adjust fairly readily to a new environment. Adolescence is a difficult enough time and cannot possibly be simplified by an overseas move. Recognition of your child's feelings and tolerance for them are made more difficult by the fact that you may be having problems with your own equilibrium. By far the best treatment is preparation: knowing that there will be problems, thinking about them and talking about them.

By far the person most susceptible to a bad case of culture shock is the housewife. In addition to everything else she has left at home, she may have left a career or volunteer community work - not only left them, but given up the likelihood of finding ready replacements. She will have time on her hands, initially no one to talk to, and will suffer the biggest blow to her self-esteem.

Finding interesting things to do is not so much the problem as finding the energy to do them and balancing between total withdrawal and overinvolvement. The woman who can adjust will be better for the experience, more capable, flexible, happier with herself and her accomplishments.

The three phases of treatment start with getting rid of the depression in the same ways that any depression is combatted. Usually it is cured in a very informal way, meeting someone who has lived in the culture for a while and can advise as well as sympathize. In the first phase the trauma may be lessened if someone will listen quietly and say in words or actions, "I'm with you. I know how tough it must be for you right now." Often nothing more is needed and nothing less will do.

The second phase of treatment is making some concrete effort to adapt. The best and most frequently used method is language lessons. Learning the language of a host country is the most valuable lesson in the culture. It is also the single most important way to retain a feeling of competence. A housewife who cannot deal with repairmen, wrong numbers on the phone, or directions on new food products feels stupid and worthless. The sense of isolation is further enhanced by the fear of not being able to get help in an emergency. Knowing the language, you cannot only call an ambulance, but can ask for a push in the snow, run next door when the basement floods, and in general help yourself instead of relying on someone who may not be there in an emergency.

Give up the habit of making comparisons; dismiss your uncertainties is suggested in Bringing Up Children Overseas: A Guide For Families, by Sidney Werkman, M.D. The third phase of treatment for culture shock is to establish a goal and decide how to achieve it. You probably already had some sort of goal in mind when you came overseas. You may have wanted to see the world, learn another language, study art or architecture. This is a creative award for the pain of culture shock. You take the energy, the inner resources and your renewed self-image and put them to work to reap the maximum benefits from living overseas. You need not accept the opinions and customs of a country whole cloth, but what you do retain will make you a fuller person. If you can fight the dragon and win, you will have learned the most valuable lesson of a life abroad: how to get along in the world.

• From an article by Rebecca Rolfes, American Women's Club of Brussels

More on Culture Shock

The preceding article on Culture Shock describes what it is and some methods for surviving this head-on meeting of our American selves with the habits, attitudes, and behavior patterns of another culture. One of the things not mentioned was one of the real dangers to the American caught in the throes of culture shock - the tendency to criticize. Anthropologist Kalervo Oberg says that "When Americans or other foreigners in a strange land get together to grouse about the host country and its people, you can be sure that they are suffering from culture shock." Coupled with this is the fact that until a newcomer gains a measure of acceptance, she may be under a good deal of scrutiny by her new countrymen. With that in mind, here are a few highly subjective suggestions that might be kept in mind during your first months in Sweden:

1. Don't tell people how to run their country, solve their traffic problems, or get the working man to be more efficient. "Candid" or "frank" criticisms, which some Americans relish, are seldom appreciated in other countries, especially from foreigners. Most people prefer to be direct, obliquely. Thirty-day experts aren't appreciated anywhere, especially when as a nation we have a few unsolved problems ourselves.

2. Don't preface your remarks with "Back home we always..." Cultural arrogance and insensitivity are the most common criticisms of Americans abroad. Such comparisons seldom appear to favor the here and now.

3. Don't overflatter or gush compliments because you think other people will like you for it. False sincerity is seldom rewarded with friendship. American women, particularly beware. If you have the uncontrollable urge to compliment or flatter people, find something simple and honest. If you look around it is usually not difficult.

4. Watch the objects of your humor. Dirty jokes and double-entendres based on sex as an attempt to break social ice will most often be embarrassing or misunderstood. Few cultures have the same basis for humor or sources of amusement that we do. Sarcasm and the ability to laugh at oneself is a limited commodity.

5. Don't wisecrack or say anything impolite in public because you think no one speaks English. Invariably the people in the vicinity who do will be close by.

6. Respect other people's currency. References to "funny money" or "monopoly money" seldom amuse others.

7. Be polite, and speak softly. You may be mistaken for a Canadian, but it's worth it. Reserve is more often considered a sign of strength and status than of weakness.

8. Try to speak the language (you'll never learn otherwise). Most people will appreciate it and try to help.

9. Remember in your travels abroad what anthropologists have learned: there are no superior or inferior cultures. Only different ones.

Perhaps keeping these suggestions in mind will not only make your adjustment period a smoother one, but might at the same time improve the image of the American abroad.

• From "I've Had It - A Practical Guide to Moving Abroad" by Robert Hopkins